why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize