Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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