69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
