I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
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Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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