just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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