i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
