guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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