she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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