My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
