Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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