I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
