there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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