even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
