...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
