I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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