If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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