You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
