I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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