'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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