john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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