I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
