Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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