im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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