I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
