i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
