then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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