Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
