Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
