I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
