It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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