porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
