So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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