Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
