I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
In other news, I just burned my penis
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
