Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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