about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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