Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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