so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
