Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
