i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
