I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
