ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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