Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
