I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
