She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
