You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
