The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
