I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
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He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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