I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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