I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
