Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
