just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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