Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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