saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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