Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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