I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
