i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
