My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
