Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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