I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
