There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
