she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Randomize
