i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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