yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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