Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
