ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
