I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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