Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
