Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Let's get the cat blown out
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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