Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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