My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
